Skip to content Skip to footer

Brand new Hampshire: Rich However, Embarrassed Regarding it

Brand new Hampshire: Rich However, Embarrassed Regarding it

Glance at the way he proudly smiles right up at the you against the cellular phone display when he dangles his Connect during the day between your feet regarding his products shorts-clad legs! You already know those individuals pouches are just filled up with carabiners, hooks, and you can zero-ties! Think of the lovable Boy Scout you went along to basic university having. Contemplate the way they was basically thus of good use and you may know all the various kinds of knots? Okay, today photo them grown up-up-and not wanting to Venmo you $250 getting their half of the brand new abortion. Today picture him rising with the sunrays, he phone calls “nature’s alarm clock.” Actually, I don’t know that’s even worse.

Nebraska: The newest Armchair Quarterback

You have undergone about three (3) java dining tables this current year because your boyfriend, an enthusiastic armchair quarterback off Nebraska, will not avoid crushing all of them into the frustration whenever his group will lose. The guy categorically does not want to believe that the players can not tune in to your off their family room and you may, this is why, their article-fumble “Get real. ” scream is actually noisy. The Monday, unfailingly, you may be possibly playing him phone colombian teen dating site call all the coach and you may athlete good fucking moron, otherwise freezing during the tailgate – never on actual online game, even if. He’s going to never tackle the one year and then he was almost a third-sequence stroll-for the kicker with the Huskers, and since he discusses every thing the brand new damn go out, neither are you willing to.

Nevada: Brand new Perma-Bachelor

If only my personal match match me personally and Bradley Cooper’s did on the Dangle over, thinks the fresh new Las vegas Fuckboy, then my entire life would be complete. Truth be told there he goes, prowling through the pub together with clothing undone one option as well many, slurring their terminology and you will sloshing their martini. Only if they tasted as good as they appear, the guy secret to help you himself. Never ever ask your for taking out of his glasses, since they are hiding a set of crusted, bloodshot sight which were after simple and you will loaded with life. He is today a strolling party host, repeated to his relatives: “You get hitched? Loser! This is the unmarried lifestyle for me personally, brah!”, not knowing he will become doomed to grow a paunch, assist their costly match feel tarnished and horrible, and start to become one of several Vegas slot machine game grandmas, thumbing quarters to the servers and you will sipping a two-liter bottles off diet plan Coke, aspiring to winnings the fresh new award from his shed youngsters.

“Hey girl, failed to We view you in the Tri-Kap dager the other day?” try a frequent beginning gambit of one’s The fresh Hampshire Fuckboy which was Steeped However, Embarrassed About it. An effective Dartmouth man through and through, he is the greatest sight off key-downs, khaki pants, and you will a great blazer which are often used at formals and in addition during the their dad’s boat pub. Query him outright if he’s steeped, he will stop wasting time to inform your his family relations try not to own a good private spray – it’s simply a share into the a provided G6 ranging from a number of my personal father’s organization lovers. And he doesn’t have a mansion on Nantucket, it is simply a little summer-house towards the coastline close to the Obamas’ place. A great key if you want to place him on the put – ask him in order to pronounce title away from his very costly watch (Audemars Piguet) to discover your squirm.

The fresh new Mexico: The fresh new Plug

This new Mexico, they claim, is the land from spell, a wasteland where your own road trip dreams will come genuine. It is nearer to a dirty horror where guys smell of soil and you will smegma. Your new Mexican fuckboy, if the he is out of Albuquerque, will be too wanting to show you attractions away from Cracking Bad – you understand, you to definitely family you can put a pizza pie to, otherwise that amazingly meth motel – due to the fact that’s all he has got. You to definitely, and his “I’m the person who hits” top (stained), a wide-brimmed hat (cannot complement), and you can Heisenberg glasses (in fact a small rigid so they look during the and leave purple, welt-including indents towards his direct). In the event that he is of Santa Fe, predict an identical but with talks regarding the Ayahuasca therefore boring you are able to should hurl on your own from the high cliffs at Los Alamos.

Leave a comment